sonofahurricane: mountains lurk in mist on a cloudy day by the shore (Default)
mostly here to shore up my blogging presence because lol if twitter goes down I’m gonna be posting a LOT MORE, just spamming my stupid little thoughts onto this site because I gotta get them out of my head to function.

I guess I do have exciting news to put here, which is after almost two years, I have a job that doesn’t make me want to kill myself, lol. Well I haven’t started it yet, but it feels so much better than the two job offers I got that I turned down before, including the one that made me want to die while in the interview lol, and the one where they wanted me to be a lead teacher for 40 3-6 year olds. This one is working in a library at a suburban high school. We’ll see how it goes—I’m waiting for a background check to be done and HR paperwork to be finished and then I can actually start, so that’s all fun. I’m just hanging out here for now, doing the same thing. The school district claims to be anti-racist and they DID ask me in the interview about white supremacy, and then hired me after I gave my Big Answer about anti-Blackness, and capitalism, so we’ll see what happens once I start.

On the one hand (and frankly the biggest hand) it’s a massive relief to have theoretical employment and money coming in and not worry about having to live out of my car. And on the other hand lol the idea of staying in the twin cities long term is so hellish to me. So I will probably continue the job hunt, just being more choosy in what I apply to, instead of yknow sending in 50 applications and getting calls only about a position that is two six-hour shifts a week (which I made it to the second round of interviews for! but then got to turn down the interview itself because I got this job, and boy what a relief.)

anyway I have. Stuff I should be working on lol but I DON’T WANT TO. I slept poorly last night, but then ended up taking a nap at like 11 am until 2 pm so. I love to just continually fuck myself over on my sleep schedule, especially in the week before I have to be awake and working at 7:30 in the morning lol. I have done some stuff and I should do some more stuff—mostly I have to get my oil changed and I’d love to do it before I have to start driving to work every day. I’ve been so bad about them in the last year because I haven’t DRIVEN anywhere, but I guess time to start taking actual care of my car again. I’m just not allowed to make an appointment for Wednesday because I have THREE appointments for Wednesday—an eye appointment so I can buy new glasses (my old ones are like well over five years old, and they’ve mangled a couple times so they don’t stay on my face well, especially with masks, and since I’m going to be working 40 hours a week in person I’d like to get that fixed,) my monthly case management appointment, AND therapy. TOO MUCH STUFF. but should go do that and pretend to do. anything else.
sonofahurricane: mountains lurk in mist on a cloudy day by the shore (i am the ocean)
I'm not going home for Christmas.

This is the first time in my entire life I'm not going home for Christmas, because I've been in school every December except this one and so unlike my Actual Adult Siblings, I was always on break, could stay with my mom through January. not this year, obviously, because even though theoretically I'd have two weeks (ish), if I wanted to negotiate that with my new job, we're seeing a huge rise in cases and I would have to travel ten hours by car because there's no way in hell I'd be taking a plane and I'd have to stop for gas and to sleep. And I don't want to get anyone sick.

the job thing is kind of wildly inconvenient; I mean, I'm really fucking grateful to get paid and keep trying to make this thing work out here on my own, but if I hadn't gotten a job I was just going to move home maybe at Christmas, and live with mom. She'd be delighted. Instead I made her cry by telling her I won't be coming home, which is not like--I think sounds shamey-er than it was, but it's been a year since we've seen each other and that may be the longest we've been apart since I was born. Plus I've been sick for so long and it would be nice to. Have mom for a while. And then you get into that dark like "how long will this be did I see my mom for the last time in person in January when I left" which. I don't think that will be the case, actually, and good things are actually happening to me here for the first time in what feels like ages; moving along on hysterectomy stuff, maybe getting medication that will help me, DO have a new job even if it's not really truly enough money to live on and one of the kids is sick so I'm not starting tomorrow.

but also this sucks which I know we all know but. it sucks so much. it sucks that I haven't seen my friends since March Read more... ) and that I will be spending Christmas alone unless my landlords' trip gets cancelled (which it SHOULD, but.) Like my friends won't meet up because we're all being too careful, and that fucking sucks.

But also I guess. bodys just came on so we keep living. we just keep living.
sonofahurricane: mountains lurk in mist on a cloudy day by the shore (Default)
trying to remember how to do this, which is wild, because it feels like the superior site regardless. it's also fun to have a single person following me, but I guess.

today is so gray and weird. it's finally getting to fall here after a week in the 80s, and I'm so glad because I'm sick of it being hot. I don't even want the sun right now, though that may have to do more with wanting to hunker down. I saw Steven Thrasher on twitter talk about how he wants winter to come because the whole 'staying inside' thing we've done all summer is what we do anyway in winter so. Why not! No sun!

I think I'm getting ground down, because the apocalyptic feeling is growing which, on the one hand, it's been an apocalypse for some people for centuries, but on the other hand, I'm like two symptoms away from being a paranoid schizophrenic so we don't really need this to increase to me demanding all of my local friends have plans for Read more... )

anyway this is a cheery start to my new journal, lol. but I guess it feels good to post here. doing job hunt stuff, and I would kill to work at fucking barnes and noble but we'll see. and I have made already like $50 bucks doing assistant work this week so that's good. I'm also considering trying to start pitching articles because god only knows I have like 800 things I want to write and turning them into twitter threads does not actually help me. And I have an idea for an article and a place to submit it, and a month to get that locked down and written so. hell yeah that's a goal that isn't just like. doing nothing lol.

hopefully I will have more to say and write about but that is it for now!
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